im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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