just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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