I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
