hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
