My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
