Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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