Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
