I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize