Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
