I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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