I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
