it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
