You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
