How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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