hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
