There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize