Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize