Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
