The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
