Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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