he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize