I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
