She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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