fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
