she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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