the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
