He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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