Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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