my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
