At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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