the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
