It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
