he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
