Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
