I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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