her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
