Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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