She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
