love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize