I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
