I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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