Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
