Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think your dad took our porno
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
