Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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