Umm I'm too high to move.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
