You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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