Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Need sex. Gaining weight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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