Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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