Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
