The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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