So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
