I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
