she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
