im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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