Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
