Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
