I could make wine with my vomit
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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