Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
