i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
