Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
FUCK WHALES
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
