He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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