dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just cropdusted the office
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
