i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
smell my finger.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
