i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
