we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
