I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
