he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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