I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
