Duck Duck Cougar?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
