I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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