I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
