Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
