i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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